“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”

- Anaïs Nin

Not a good morning

Gloomy mornings and I be like

I want to be a burrito.

Whaleshark

After 5-odd years of diving, I finally see you!

HONG KONG 2015

The streets of Hong Kong

In the happiest train everrrrrrrrrrr!

Blending into the Hong Kong culture

The police station right next to where we stayed. The legendary Yau Ma Tei Police Station that appeared in sooooooooooooo many Hong Kong dramas! I just had to...

A beautiful sunset we caught while rushing for our train

Stayed in an AirBnB apartment and had a little celebration! 

Happy birthday me and Happy Father's Day!

The weather was insanely hot and there was so much more to do! Time was seriously not enough :(

Can't wait for the next trip out mighty soon! xx

So much has happened over the course of the past 2 weeks, which really makes me wonder what is it that matters the most in life. To be happy? To strive for the best? To do what you want even if it means living in the moment?

I'm somewhat a perfectionist and slightly overly OCD (is that even possible?). I'll always strive to prove to be capable of more and scale greater heights. Inefficiency and procrastination put me off (although I'm guilty of doing so at times). And it scares me that one thing that I believed in so strongly is actually not as perfect as I imagined it to be.

This too shall pass.

Life is too unpredictable and I just want to keep striving for perfection, whether that makes me happy or not, because life is too short to be happy but achieving nothing at the end of the day. Found a quote that really struck me, and it's going to be in my prayers for a really long time:-

"let me not die when I'm still alive"

May scary days be forgotten and let us be alive again. May laziness be dead and let the strong charge forward again. May we be happy again.

tell me how to feel

Back from Anambas! I'm grateful to be back alive.

My first trip to Anambas was truly a humbling one, and I'm grateful to be back alive.

Many dolphin sightings along the way to Anambas. Jumped out of bed and geared up within 5 minutes hoping to dive with dolphins, but missing a little luck. Took the dinghy out for rounding but the dolphins don't seem to be in the mood for play. Thankful for the endless blue waters with unlimited visibility - my playground.

Stormy night kept the boat and dive crew up all night. Winds were strong, waves were high and rain was relentless. Boat was rocking and customers puking. Got a little scare when we thought customers went missing. Thank god all was good. Everyone stayed together, prepared for the worst to happen. Thought of our escape plan, said a little prayer. Succumbed to motion sickness finally and I gave way.

Woke up in the morning with customers staring down at the crew. We all looked and felt like shit. Thankful we made it through the storm. Dive resumed with not too good visibility anymore, but we made it back home safely.

It was a truly humbling experience - we are so small in the face of nature. We may have the best crew put together, it may be our first trip, first year, or nth trip out, but there's just so much to learn and so many ways to improve on. Thankful for the boat crew who put up a strong fight, keeping vigil while we gave in to fatigue. Captain John mentioned this was his toughest trip throughout his years of sailing.

We survived to tell the tale.

“It's hard at times, but it makes a kid strong in ways that most people can't understand. Teaches them that even though people are left behind, new ones will inevitable take their place; that every place has something good - and bad - to offer. It makes a kid grow up fast.”
-Nicholas Sparks

And here's to better days ahead, however long it takes, because we can.

"So you're always honest," I said.
"Aren't you?"
"No," I told him. "I'm not."
"Well, that's good to know, I guess."
"I'm not saying I'm a liar," I told him. He raised his eyebrows. "That's not how I meant it, anyways."
"How'd you mean it, then?"
"I just...I don't always say what I feel."
"Why not?"
"Because the truth sometimes hurts," I said.
"Yeah," he said. "So do lies, though." 

- Sarah Dessen

Just as things were turning up, or so I thought;
We are back to ground zero, or so it seems.
The future seems so bleak, or so I feel;
With dreams so faraway, or so they appear.

.

We live in our own fantasies and make-believes.

So it's true that we all live in our own imaginations.

mismatched expectations.

The Fault in Our Stars

I bawled watching the movie, almost from the beginning to the end. I was really sad and I could almost feel it physically. So much emotions triggered my eyes were so swollen it was almost funny.

“It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.”

-Nicholas Sparks

It's a neon party!

Went for a neon party at Que Pasa for Sue Ann's birthday. Great to see everyone loosen up from the usual tensed up work mode. People like these makes work more bearable, and life less depressing, somewhat. No doubt I made sure to don a million glowing stuff, I felt like the star of the night for awhile.

Happy birthday Sue Ann the Amazing Lawyer!

All my photos are missing from my blog!

Good job me. It's like... seeing your secret journal torn into pieces.
I need to cry.

OWD (Tioman): 12092014 - 14092014

SMU Back-To-School Dive 2014

Amazing divers, amazing weekend. Learnt so much from them. Had a guy in the group who had very bad reverse block (Eugene called him period face). He had blood running from his nose and eyes and had to clear the blood water from his mask each time we surfaced. Everyone had a great weekend, and the students were planning for their Advanced course already! Sweet!

Barely a week to #BelachanShore, HOW EXCITES!

Maybe it's time

"It's always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn't matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over"

- Paulo Coelho

So much thinking going on, all that chaos in this little mind of mine. Finding myself trapped in a meaningless routine I warned myself so many times of. Weekends are my only driving force, only to see them pass by ever so quickly.

Maybe it's time, or maybe not.

Yesterday I Cried by Iyanla Vanzant

Yesterday, I cried,

for all the days that I was too busy,

or too tired, or too mad to cry.

I cried for all the days, and all the ways,

and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected,

and disconnected my Self from myself,

only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others

did to me the same things I had already done to myself.

I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen;

for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;

for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them away,

to people in circumstances, which left me feeling empty,

and battered and plain old used.

I cried because there really does come a time when

the only thing left for you to do is cry.

Yesterday, I cried.

I cried because little boys get left by their daddies;

and little girls get forgotten by their mommies;

and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave;

and mommies get left, so they get mad.

I cried because I had a little boy,

and because I was a little girl,

and because I was a mommy who didn't know what to do,

and because I wanted my daddy to be there so badly until I ached.

Yesterday, I cried.

I cried because I hurt. I cried because I was hurt.

I cried because hurt has no place to go

except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place,

and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.

I cried because it was too late.

I cried because it was time.

I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know

that my soul knew everything that I needed to know.

I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good.

It felt so very, very bad.

In the midst of my crying,

I felt my freedom coming,

Because...

Yesterday, I cried

with an agenda.

Keep living in a big way.

"I hope you find what you're looking for in life because God knows half of us are still deciding what we want in life... Keep diving and living in a big way because life is way too short. I'll be rooting for you all the way!"

No, I still don't believe in the One almighty God, but the above really got me. We are all lost souls trying to find our calling in this world, yet I'm very blessed to have people around me supporting me in my every step. Such words of encouragement are really what keeps us going.